there i was.
sitting on a couch, sipping my tea.
projecting the future
about the things that could happen to us, to you and me.
about how you would be on your knees, begging.
about how i would be acting like a king, giving you mercy.
about how i would like being with you, as you wished.
and about how we would be living the fantasy.

the day when the leaf finally falls.
i realized that i was the one who created the holes.
i thought i have risen my pride
by flying you up, then breaking you apart.
three hundred days have passed.
you are healed. our pride is flipped.

here i am.
waking up from my daydream.
feeling worthless, brokenhearted.
whispering to the falling leaf
as it welcomes the autumn breeze,
"i miss you.
but after everything i've done.
i now know my place.
i've failed you.
i've failed us.
i don't deserve you"

mut, 30 sept 2016